Book of How Not To Write a Novel with copies of Fifty Shades books and Grey

Crimes against literature: Fifty Shades has 50 novel-writing mistakes (part 1)

8th February 201816th October 2020 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

So, a fellow Fifty Shades critic and consent enthusiast recently gave me a copy of How Not to Write A Novel by Sandra Newman and Howard Mittelmark. It outlines “200 mistakes to avoid at all costs if you ever want to get published”. And as I read it, I couldn’t help but wonder whether EL James might not have produced the crime against literature that is the Fifty Shades trilogy if she had read it.

She clocks up about 50 of these mistakes. Yes, 50. So, to mark the occasion of the third and final film being released in cinemas, I figured it might be worth blogging about it again.

CONTENT NOTE: This is meant to be a fun and light-hearted post. However, at times there is simply no getting away from the problematic portrayals of consent, BDSM, purity culture, misogyny, racism, child abuse and mental health problems that are inherent in Fifty Shades. To say nothing of the gratuitous displays wealth.

I also link to other blogs that also criticise Fifty Shades because I think they have insightful things to say about EL James’ writing, but I make no guarantees as to the language or suitability of content on those sites.

Also, credit where it’s due, the names given to the writing mistakes and the explanations are extracts from How Not To Write A Novel. And occasionally they use some colourful language.

All in all, I hope you enjoy, but read at your own risk. Continue reading Crimes against literature: Fifty Shades has 50 novel-writing mistakes (part 1) →

Less was more: my (spoiler-free) review of the live-action Beauty and the Beast

18th March 201716th October 2020 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

The live-action Beauty and the Beast isn’t a redemptive fairy-tale any more; it’s a high-fantasy romance. And I hate to say it, but it feels very muddled in places.

Last night I saw the film as part of the ‘Disney Concert Experience’ at the Odeon in Leicester Square. I’m really glad I went, and I loved the performances, but I have very mixed feelings over the film.

I’ll try and keep this post to broad comments and things that were well known in advance of the release. Even so, my definition of ‘spoiler-free’ might not be yours, so if it’s important to you to be surprised by the film, then you read this at your own risk. Continue reading Less was more: my (spoiler-free) review of the live-action Beauty and the Beast →

Belle descends staircase in Beast's castle in Winter wearing 3/4 length sleeve dress

10 things I hope Disney changes from the 1991 Beauty and the Beast

14th March 201717th October 2020 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

The release of the live-action Beauty and the Beast is barely a few days away. If you’ve read any of my series comparing the 1991 release with Fifty Shades, you’ll know that I consider the animated Beauty and the Beast to be a masterpiece of story-telling that speaks powerfully and truthfully about redemption. However, this means I’m very nervous that I’ll be monumentally disappointed by the new version.

So far, I’ve managed to see two different trailers for it in the cinema. (This has never happened to me before; and it only happened this time because Hidden Figures and The Lego Batman Movie were just too appealing to miss.) Even though Disney are using all the same colours from the 1991 animated film, and they’re reusing the music, and, and, and… it’s already clear they’re making a lot of changes. And I’m not sure I’m happy with them.

The wardrobe’s line about how “the Master’s not so bad once you get to know him” has been given to Mrs Potts. Mrs Potts’ face is at the side of the teapot instead of at the front.

Why? Why did they do this?

The change that really grates is the fact that Maurice is imprisoned for stealing a rose and not because he comes to the castle searching for shelter. I can make some guesses about the reasons for this, and I’ll save judgement until I actually have a chance to see the 2017 version, but I’m frustrated that we’ve lost the parallel that Maurice had with the old woman seeking shelter right at the start. I just… sigh.

Anyway.

All this said, if I take off my rose-tinted glasses, there are some things that, on reflection, even I’ll say would be good to change from the 1991 release. Here they are. Continue reading 10 things I hope Disney changes from the 1991 Beauty and the Beast →

Portrait of Gaston in tavern from Beauty and the Beast

50 Shades of Parody: Monsieur Gaston will see you now

9th March 201716th October 2020 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

(This is a rip-off of the opening chapter of Fifty Shades of Grey where Ana goes to interview Christian Grey at his head office. If you wonder why it’s so badly written in places, there’s a reason for that.)

Damn my hair. It refuses to behave as I try to brush through it. Eventually I coax it into a pony-tail because I’m an animated character and pony-tails are cheaper to draw than unkempt or loose hair. Fairy-tale France has no room for Brave.

Sulkily, I make my way to Le Pub, the town’s tavern and favourite haunt of Monsieur Gaston, the most eligible bachelor in town. I push the door open, nervously. “Hello?” I ask – like an innocent encroaching on the cavernous lair of a monstrous beast.

Except that the place smells of beer and sweat because it’s that time of the evening and half the town is there. Continue reading 50 Shades of Parody: Monsieur Gaston will see you now →

Woman standing arms folded in from of Christian Grey picture from 50 Fifty Shades Darker.

I dated Christian Grey… and I don’t care to see him again

16th February 20178th July 2021 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

With the launch of Fifty Shades Darker in cinemas, this guest post is just as relevant as it was when it was originally written two years ago. Ruthie Hird looks back on her experience of a toxic boyfriend (whom she met on a church retreat) and draws striking parallels with Christian Grey. I found it compelling when I first read it and she kindly agreed for me to re-blog it here.

So, there’s this book/movie that has come out recently: it’s called Fifty Shades of Grey, perhaps you’ve heard of it? Well, I sure have, and I’ve seen the throngs of mommy (and non-mommy) squee-ing over the very idea of a dark, mysterious man sweeping girls off of their feet and having incredible sex with them. Oh, if only Mr Grey really existed! I hear women sigh longingly.

Well, ladies, guess what: he does exist.

I should know: I dated him.

And so have about 4 million women in North America in one year alone.

Here’s the thing: Mr Grey in my world was not a high powered businessman, in fact he wasn’t rich at all. He was actually a twenty-six year old, blonde haired, blue eyed, church-going construction worker. He wore a cowboy hat, drove a pick up truck, and I had no idea what I was in for when he asked me out.

CONTENT NOTE: References to rape, coercive control and non-consensual BDSM perpetrated against the author – as well as similar behaviours in Fifty Shades.

Continue reading →

10 ways 50 Shades is like real-life abuse, not BDSM (part 3)

14th April 20168th July 2021 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

“It’s not abuse, it’s BDSM.”

Well, BDSM-ers disagree.

This post is the third of three that lists some of the ways a rant I read about an abuser in the BDSM scene reminded me of Christian Grey (part one is here and part two is here). You can read the original rant (in its uncut strong language) here. If phrases like “BDSM,” “s-type” and “d-type” are unfamiliar for you, you might want to check out my Dictionary page. I’ve also written separately about why I write about BDSM and why I write about 50 Shades.

Content note: This post talks about abusive behaviour. I try not to be graphic but it’s generally not nice to read about and I do repeat some of the creepy things Christian says and does to Ana in the 50 Shades books.

Lesson 8: There are NEVER “no limits”

Let’s start with a quote from the rant:

No one has “no limits”, and to say you don’t (especially as a new person to the lifestyle) is simply foolish because a new person has no idea what to expect.

And anyone remotely informed about BDSM knows this. Anyone who remotely cares about consent will challenge anyone and everyone who says they have “no limits,” because people who say they have “no limits” do not know what they are saying. Instead, their idea of what a BDSM scene could involve has limits.

Continue reading →

10 ways 50 Shades is like real-life abuse, not BDSM (part 2)

11th April 20168th July 2021 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

“It’s not abuse, it’s BDSM.”

*sigh*

This post is the second of three that lists some of the ways a rant I read about an abusive dominant in the BDSM scene reminded me of Christian Grey (part one is here).

If phrases like “BDSM,” “s-type” and “d-type” are unfamiliar for you, you might want to check out my Dictionary page. I’ve also written separately about why I write about BDSM and why I write about 50 Shades.

Lesson 4: Pre-negotiation must be neutral and pressure-free

The ranter talks about limits:

There is no excuse for a D/M to be unable or unwilling to discuss these things openly and in a non-threatening, non-intimidating fashion in a neutral setting (emphasis on the “nons” and “neutral”). This allows for open communication and allows the s-type to express where they are with a particular limit.

Continue reading →

10 ways 50 Shades is like real-life abuse, not BDSM (part 1)

7th April 20168th July 2021 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

One of the biggest myths spoken about 50 Shades of Grey is “It’s not abuse, it’s BDSM.”

I recently read a rant from a guy in the BDSM scene calling out abusive behaviour from a big-shot d-type who was using his reputation to silence his critics and the people he was abusing. Unlike 50 Shades, the rant is not fictional, which is why the strong parallels it has with 50 Shades are so serious. You can read the rant (in all its anger and uncut strong language) here. In the meantime, this post is the first of three that lists some of ways the big-shot dominant the ranter described reminded me of Christian Grey.

Lesson 1: Abuse can happen – even in a BDSM setting

“It’s BDSM” is never enough. There should always be a discussion about consent, risk and appropriateness: that’s what distinguishes abuse from what gets called “safe, sane and consensual BDSM” and “risk-aware consensual kink”.

Continue reading →

Why do I write about 50 Shades?

25th November 201517th October 2020 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

It was just gone midday on the 21st January 2015. The previous evening I’d decided that it was worth doing a blog about 50 Shades of Grey and now I was having some time out to think about how exactly I’d go about doing that and how I would explain it to people.

It so happened that I walked into St Paul’s Cathedral (London) just as a passage from one of the gospels was being read as part of the midday communion service. It was Matthew 18vv1-7, about who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And there was this bit:

Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! (NIV)

That’s when it hit me. Continue reading Why do I write about 50 Shades? →

Why do I write about BDSM?

24th November 201528th April 2019 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

BDSM stands for: Bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism.

I want to get something straight right at the outset:

This blog is not here to promote BDSM.

So if you’re looking for tips on how to get involved with BDSM and meet people who are into it, you’ve come to the wrong place. BUT, there are a number of writings here about how not to get involved (often written by people who are involved).

So, I’m not trying to promote BDSM, but I do want to promote awareness of what BDSM is and isn’t. I have three main reasons for why I want to do this. (If you want more detail on BDSM-related words and phrases. you might want to glance at my dictionary page.) Continue reading Why do I write about BDSM? →

EL James is Big Brother

30th August 201528th April 2019 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

EDIT: For a while, I have debated the ethics of employing sarcastic humour at EL James’ expense – I mean, at want point does it become a mud-slinging match? Where’s the line between being a critic and a ‘hater’? In the end I thought about this response EL James gave an abuse survivor and this one to a polite request. I also loved some of the tweets she got in her Grey launch Twitter event.

What’s bad about “the worst” six slaps?

14th June 20151st March 2020 By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

It took me a moment to register that I was smiling as I read chapter 26 of Fifty Shades of Grey. Yes, you read correctly, I was smiling. Christian and Ana were engaged in a playful game of cat and mouse around the kitchen – he with his dastardly boasting, she with her undaunted wiliness – and it was fun. Until suddenly it wasn’t a game.

The ending of Fifty Shades of Grey (both film and book) is undeniably one of the most irritating things that I’ve had to get my head round. Ana asks Christian to show her “the worst” in the film or “as bad as it can get” in the book. In the film he asks her if she’s sure, in the book he asks if she’s ready. She says yes. He says he’ll hit her six times. He then hits her six times. He then stops. Does this mean she actually was consenting to the whole relationship and he’s not actually abusive? Deep breath. Content note: I talk about abusive and violent behaviour in this post and the use of discipline in a BDSM context. Continue reading What’s bad about “the worst” six slaps? →

Light in grey places

Faith positive | Bible positive | Sex positive

Category: Moonlight

Crimes against literature: Fifty Shades has 50 novel-writing mistakes (part 1)

Less was more: my (spoiler-free) review of the live-action Beauty and the Beast

50 Shades of Parody: Monsieur Gaston will see you now

Why do I write about 50 Shades?

Why do I write about BDSM?

This blog is not here to promote BDSM.

EL James is Big Brother