(The staff in the image above is a reference to Aaron’s staff and, in this context, it’s a symbol of protection and life. The artwork is by Siku, @theartofsiku)
I believe men and women — all human beings for that matter — are created equally in the image of God.
I don’t believe that benevolent patriarchy is the answer. At best it is a stepping stone to more equal and just churches and societies.
For the avoidance of doubt, I believe women are just as capable as men are when it comes to leading, leading worship, preaching, teaching from the Bible, and teaching about the Bible.
- Why I focus on purity culture
- My lines in the sand
- Where I stand on BDSM
- Where I stand on porn
- Where I stand on sex work
Why I focus on purity culture
Because, despite myself, I love the Bible and it’s loaded with language about purity and pollution and what that means for women and sex.
But also, I believe purity ideology underpins the most horrific forms of gender violence including: FGM, child marriage, forced marriage, ‘honour’ based violence and sex trafficking. I see purity ideology as part of what fuels the fear and stigma associated with revenge porn.
Before I get to those though, I want to make a few things very, very clear.
My lines in the sand
I am against human trafficking.
I am against all non-consensual sex and all non-consensual sexual acts.
I am against all non-consensual porn and all revenge porn.
It should therefore go without saying that I’m against child sexual abuse (and indeed all abuse against children).
But here are some more specifics:
- I support age-related legislation that places restrictions on both consensual sex and consensual marriage. I recognise that such legislation is not a substitute for sex education or sexual health services, nor can it perfectly meet the developmental circumstances of all people. However, even with those inherent limitations, I think age-related legislation can be a good tool.
- I support ‘age of consent’ legislation, particularly as a mechanism to protect minors from abusive adults, and young adults from abusers in positions of trust. In the UK, the age of consent is set at 16.
- I don’t think it makes sense for the state to recognise a person as legally married but not legally an adult, so I support the prohibition of marriage involving anyone who has not reached the age of majority. In the UK, the age of majority is 18. The minimum legal age for marriage in the UK is now 18 (since 2023) and I support this blanket ban.
- I support the prohibition of sex work involving anyone who is not an adult. In addition, I do not think the state should consider a non-adult person to be able to consent to the public dissemination of themselves (or an image of themselves) in a sexualised context. As such, I support the blanket ban on sexual imagery involving non-adult persons.
Where I stand on BDSM
This blog is not here to promote consensual BDSM.
I support awareness of what consensual BDSM is and isn’t; I think the BDSM community has some very good things to say about consent and misinformation doesn’t help anyone. More details here.
Meanwhile, I don’t believe a person can consent to grievous bodily harm or death. And I have serious misgivings about consenting to anything that has more than a remote risk of grievous bodily harm or death, even though I know that such risk is considered acceptable in other contexts (e.g. boxing).
I also have serious misgivings about 24/7 dominant/submissive dynamics, despite having friends who would describe themselves as in such a dynamic. Plus there’s a whole heap of grooming and abuse that I know takes place in the BDSM scene, yet there are also BDSM-ers out there who actively work against that.
In other words, there’s plenty to have misgivings about, but there are also people of integrity and whatever dialogue we have about BDSM should take account of that.
So, I try not to kink-shame people I meet, but I’m not about to promote BDSM practices as a way to spice up your sex life.
Where I stand on porn
This blog is not here to promote porn, nor will I post pornographic content on it.
Most of what I’ve heard about mainstream porn leads me to believe that it’s unethical. However, I am open to the possibility that there is or could be such a thing as ethical sexual imagery and I’m interested in having a fair dialogue on that topic. That said, I also want to be respectful of the fact that some people have had very, very negative experiences with porn.
I have absolutely zero time for revenge porn and image-based abuse.
Where I stand on sex work
Similar to porn, I find most discussions about sex work don’t differentiate between (i) sex trafficking, (ii) legal sex work where the worker freely exercises their agency (including their economic agency), and (iii) everything in between.
I don’t think I will ever recommend sex work as a life choice to anyone, even when it’s legal. I would only offer reasons not to go into it, search out alternatives and, at best, say “Well, it’s your choice, it’s your body and these are the ways it’s legal for you; insofar as it’s down to you, please make your customer due diligence good enough so that you won’t become a means for people to cheat on their partners.”
So I’m not exactly ‘pro’ sex work.
However, theologically, I have difficulty painting sex work as wholly bad. In the Old Testament, prostitution in certain circumstances was legal, and that’s not to mention the (righteous) example of Rahab. I know that some Christians see sex in sacred terms and that, for example, CS Lewis said that money was an “unnatural” reward for love, with the implication that all sex work is bad. But… I can’t help but suspect that Christians hyper-elevate sex and that this pedestalling is misguided.
Also, whilst not all sex bloggers are sex workers, it should go without saying that if I’m prepared to listen to the perspectives of sex workers, then I’m willing to listen to sex bloggers too.