I’m a Christian, a feminist and a person who’s positive about sex.
I blog about:
- Hope, commitment and purity
- Sexuality, and how we frame sex
- Consent, abuse and BDSM
And I am a critic of Fifty Shades of Grey.
I write as both a Christian and a feminist, but also with a listening ear to the sex-positive community.
I’m not afraid to touch on topics that are awkward, taboo, or just downright unpleasant to read about. So to help you navigate my posts, I put them in three categories — dip into whichever works for you:
- Sunlight: uncontroversial content for egalitarian Christians, focussing mostly on how things should be
- Firelight: patriarchy, where things go wrong, and questions over evangelical shibboleths
- Moonlight: the more serious forms of gender violence and topics like BDSM or erotica
Oh, you’ll also find Starlight content, which are my reflections on theology and life.
Under the title of each post, next to the date it was published, it says which of these categories the post belongs to.
Thank you for visiting.
Sex worth celebrating (Sunlight)
These posts are about sex itself and what good looks like. The most popular posts are:
- To the evangelical couple considering sex therapy
- The key to lifelong sex? Get the right advice.
- Sex and consent: everything I didn’t know when I married
- Is the One True Love biblical? On hope, choice and responsibility
Egalitarian living (Sunlight & Firelight)
The most popular posts here are:
- When we don’t explain the Trinity, the gospel gets ugly (especially for wives)
- Books of 2017: Titles of interest to egalitarian Christians
Hope worth sharing (Sunlight)
- Dear Christians: non-conformity is not the path to transformation
- Year of Hell, Remember Nothing, & The Wish: lessons on hope
Index page: Hope worth sharing
Ending VAWG (Firelight & Moonlight)
Looking at problems of patriarchy and where things go wrong. Most popular posts here are:
- I dated Christian Grey… and I don’t care to see him again
- The lying abusers who pose as victims: lessons from Mr Wickham
- #ThatsHarassment: David Schwimmer makes six short videos showing sexual consent violations
- I think I need to grieve – what one year in a DV charity does to you
- Books of 2017: ‘The Twilight of Cutting’ taught me about more than FGM
Index page: Ending VAWG
Perspective on purity (Sunlight, Firelight & Moonlight)
Depending on who you talk to, “purity” is either a wonderful word to describe a high concept, or a toxic word used to oppress people (most often women). For myself, I believe that purity, when properly understood, is a good thing, but that ‘purity culture’ is a form of gender based violence.
For the theologians and biblical scholars out there, I also think the debates on the ‘New Perspective on Paul’ have massive implications for how we understand purity. For that reason, my discussion of purity heavily overlaps with the theology covenantal belonging, salvation and hope.
Posts I’m proud of in this section are:
- Rethinking virginity: yes, it is about purity, but it’s not like a silk scarf
- Priestesses in the church? Why CS Lewis’ argument was right, but his conclusion wrong
- Let’s talk about that Deuteronomy 22 law where a girl marries her rapist. Because it’s not about marriage or sex.
Irritants to evangelicalism (Firelight)
Many of the issues I currently have with evangelicalism come down to, what I believe, is a faulty theology of hope. These posts aim to break down some of the false shibboleths that I see stifling hope and inclusion.
The most popular posts in this section are:
- 45 reasons why the culture behind #ChurchToo fails to understand consent
- To stay or to go? On church, LGBT+ affirmation, and uncomfortable places
- An open letter to Nate Sparks on leaving evangelicalism
- Gary Thomas’ claim that Christians should have more children is unbiblical
Art or licence? (Firelight & Moonlight)
Reviews and commentary on how we portray sex and consent in film, books, art and theatre.
Index page: Art or licence?
Fifty Shades (is abuse) (Moonlight)
These books are a problem. Even if this section isn’t for you, you might want to read Why do I write about 50 Shades?
The most popular posts in this section are:
- Reflections from standing outside the Fifty Shades Darker premiere
- Why do people say 50 Shades is (or isn’t) abusive?
- What’s bad about “the worst” six slaps?
Well, it’s hard to write about Fifty Shades without writing about BDSM. Even if this section isn’t for you, you might want to read Why do I write about BDSM? The posts here are primarily to help people recognise abuse (and some are written by people in the scene).
- How 50 Shades reflects real-life abuse in BDSM (part 1)
- A message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know
- Holding someone by the throat: abusive strangulation or consensual play?
Delving theology (Starlight)
I love digging into the Bible and thinking about God. The most popular posts in this section are:
- Esther in the Bible: surprisingly political
- Be a priest in 2017: Identify with those who are like and unlike you
The tapestry of my time (Starlight)
OK, posts in this section don’t tend to get many hits – but those who find them, love them. In particular:
- How do I handle non-responses on social media? Yeah, not great.
- The friend who was always there: on faithfulness, creativity and being me
- Music, perfection and play: shedding childhood shame
- My greatest regrets are when I was trying to be someone I’m not
Creative works (Starlight)
I love to write. You’ll find poetry, sketches and short stories here.
- His name is John: Elizabeth writes to Mary
- Love vs Abuse: two Bible stories you’ve not heard like this
Redemption: Beautiful love or beastly suffering?
These posts take an in-depth look at how redemption is portrayed in Beauty and the Beast and then makes comparisons with Fifty Shades. They’ve been grouped on their own because there are quite a few of them and because they touch on all three of the themes that I blog about. The series ended up being eighteen posts long, so you might want to start with A summary of how redemption in BATB compares with 50 Shades.