In case you wonder, I don’t include pictures in my posts about BDSM or Fifty Shades of Grey, aside from maybe a very generic picture at the top.
About BDSM
Some of these posts are by me, others are from people in the scene.
- “The sub is in control” — actually, this isn’t true and consent culture needs better words
- Why submission in the comp/egal debate is actually about boundaries (and warrants comparison with kink)
- Holding someone by the throat: abusive strangulation or consensual play?
- I dated Christian Grey… and I don’t care to see him again (guest post)
- 10 ways 50 Shades is like real-life abuse, not BDSM (part 3)
- 10 ways 50 Shades is like real-life abuse, not BDSM (part 2)
- 10 ways 50 Shades is like real-life abuse, not BDSM (part 1)
- Coercion in BDSM negotiation is the road to “command rape”. A rant. (guest post)
- Why do I write about BDSM?
- What’s bad about “the worst” six slaps?
- 7 essential facts about consent (guest post)
- To all newbie subs exploring BDSM: beware sub-frenzy (guest post)
- Newbie submissive-types – this is what you REALLY need to know in BDSM (guest post)
Intros to other worthwhile reads
Scarleteen: Telling the difference between kink and abuse
The YesMeansYes blog primarily focusses on rape and the writing I want to recommend to you is titled “Mythcommunication: It’s Not That They Don’t Understand, They Just Don’t Like The Answer“. My favourite bit is right near the end:
I tell my niece, “If a guy offers to buy you a drink and you say no, and he pesters you until you say okay, what he wants for his money is to find out if you can be talked out of no.” The rapist doesn’t listen to refusals, he probes for signs of resistance in the meta-message, the difference between a target who doesn’t want to but can be pushed, and a target who doesn’t want to and will stand by that even if she has to be blunt.