There’s great piece of writing about the difference between kink (that is, BDSM) and abuse on Scarleteen – an independent, grassroots sexuality education and support website. My favourite quote is this:
Any responsible kinkster (any respectful and caring person, period, IMO) will take a step back upon finding out that someone they would like to pursue is completely inexperienced. They will give the other person the time and space to make their own decisions, rather than “educating” them on what those decisions should be based on what they, themselves, want from that person. This is true not just for BDSM, but is just generally good etiquette for any situation in a relationship where one partner is far further down a road than the other. One partner is ready for intercourse and the other isn’t? You wait until they are. One partner wants to move in together and the other prefers to have more alone time? You keep your separate places for the time being.
You can find the full article here. Content note: Has a dash of colourful language – but only where she’s quoting 50 Shades.