Tag: Relationships

50 Shades of Grey: A Christian(ity) angle on the film

By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

This might get a bit confusing: my name is Chris(tine), I describe myself as a Christian, but I don’t like Christian (Grey). Here goes…

With the recent release of the films, the whole 50 Shades trilogy has hit the limelight even more and there are plenty of places where you’ll see reviews of the film written by people whose opinions are informed by what they believe. In many ways I don’t have a problem with this, after all, I’d be lying if I said starting this blog was in no way informed by what I believe. Of course it is.

But it’s not uncommon for me to cringe a little as I read reviews, comments and open letters from people who evidently:

  • haven’t seen the film but want to comment on it, or
  • haven’t read the books but want to comment on them, or
  • just want to engage with their concerns about sex-related issues, rather than the issues the film and books raise.

But today I read a review/comment that I found refreshing. It was written by an anti-porn campaigner, but porn wasn’t his problem with the film. He was also a Christian, but his problem wasn’t with the sex outside wedlock. Instead, he saw the problem as being the fact that Christian is abusive.

He also invited readers to re-tweet a couple of his sentences. I don’t do Twitter (yet), so I’ll repeat the one I liked best here:

this movie didn’t turn me on – it made me mad.

Yup, I had that when I read books. Welcome to the club.

Here’s the review: What I don’t understand about Fifty Shades of Grey

Why do people say 50 Shades is (or isn’t) abusive?

By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

I’m getting various search hits with people asking why 50 Shades is abusive, so I thought I would try and summarise the main points in one place. Please bear in mind these points come from the books not the film. If you want a view on the film, I recommend Jenny Trout’s review.

There’s a lot more that can be said on these points and I’ve probably not covered everything that’s worth covering, but I figured I’d keep it to a list of 10 to make it more readable. Here goes: Continue reading Why do people say 50 Shades is (or isn’t) abusive? →

The myth that love cures abuse

By ChristineThis post is Firelight content.

I personally believe that fearless, compassionate, sacrificial love is one of the most transforming things anyone can ever receive. But I dare say there are a lot of fanciful and quite wrong ideas about what that really (I mean really, really) looks like in action. I’d love to explore that theme later down the line (and hope to do so) but in the meantime I think the point needs to be made:

Ana’s feelings and actions towards Christian is not what it looks like. 

The 50shadesisdomesticabuse blog makes this point really well in a myth busting post they wrote. Not only that, but it points out the reasons why this is such a dangerous myth when it’s believed by victims of abuse.

The relevant post is quite long (though worth a read) but the bit about this particular myth is after the image of a bookshelf and under the heading “But her love cures him in the end. They both have to learn, compromise and make sacrifices and that’s what a relationship is about.“

Did you find this by clicking on a pingback from the 50shadesabuse blog? You might be interested in:

Telling the difference between kink and abuse

By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

There’s great piece of writing about the difference between kink (that is, BDSM) and abuse on Scarleteen –  an independent, grassroots sexuality education and support website. My favourite quote is this:

Any responsible kinkster (any respectful and caring person, period, IMO) will take a step back upon finding out that someone they would like to pursue is completely inexperienced. They will give the other person the time and space to make their own decisions, rather than “educating” them on what those decisions should be based on what they, themselves, want from that person. This is true not just for BDSM, but is just generally good etiquette for any situation in a relationship where one partner is far further down a road than the other. One partner is ready for intercourse and the other isn’t? You wait until they are. One partner wants to move in together and the other prefers to have more alone time? You keep your separate places for the time being.

You can find the full article here. Content note: Has a dash of colourful language – but only where she’s quoting 50 Shades. 

Jenny Trout: 50 Shades and abusive relationships

By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

In this post, Jenny looks at characteristics of abusive relationships and the fact that many of them feature in 50 Shades – hence one of the reasons why she finds the books so problematic. Worth a read. Content note: has some colourful language and talks about some of the stuff that happens in abusive relationships – which, obviously, isn’t nice.

Did you find this by clicking on a ping back from Jenny’s blog? You might be interested in:

A message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know

By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

This is essential reading for the would-be Ana’s out there who are curious about BDSM (and for anyone looking to be more informed about BDSM in general). As you’ll see from the sign off at the end, it’s from someone at the total-power-exchange end of the BDSM lifestyle. Content note:  Contains a couple of a brief references to things sadists might do. Continue reading A message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know →

Jenny Trout: On defending BDSM with 50 Shades

By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

You don’t need to go very far to find people arguing that the relationship dynamic in 50 Shades is abusive… and when you find them you’re likely to find someone else saying “It’s not abuse, it’s BDSM.” This essay by Jenny Trout gives her reasons on why she believes 50 Shades is harmful to the image of BDSM and why she doesn’t want people to use 50 Shades to defend her personal choices. Dear 50 Shades fan: BDSM doesn’t need or want your defense. Content note: this has colourful language and some explicit content. Heed the content note she puts at the top of the essay.

Did you find this by clicking on a ping back from Jenny’s blog? You might be interested in:

Jenny Trout: An open letter to 50 Shades of Grey fans and ardent defenders

By ChristineThis post is Moonlight content.

If you only read one thing about 50 Shades I recommend you make it this. Jenny Trout talks with an author’s voice about why her problem with 50 Shades is not just the books in and of themselves, but also how they were marketed and how E.L. James has responded to the discussions that have arisen from them. You can read it here: Let’s talk about 50 Shades in a calm and rational way.

Did you find this by clicking on a pingback from Jenny’s blog? You might be interested in: