The Honest 50 Shades trailer: oh so true!

For those who haven’t seen an Honest trailer before, they’re a series of satirical trailers on YouTube that (as the name suggests) are honest about a film’s or TV series’ faults. The 100th Honest trailer was – you guessed it! – 50 Shades of Grey. The humour in Honest trailers won’t be to everyone’s taste (not all of it is to mine) but for anyone with an axe of bugbears to grind, the 50 Shades trailer makes satisfying viewing. Here it is, along with 10 thoughts I had after watching it:

Continue reading The Honest 50 Shades trailer: oh so true!

About the “steamy action” in 50-Shades-the-film

OK, I want to throw my two cents in when it comes to the portrayal of sex in the film of 50 Shades of Grey. This is partly in response to the rather sarcastic indictment of the film offered by the Honest trailer for it (here if you’re interested), in that the “steamy action” includes contracts, negotiation, clauses, conditions, emails, texting, non-disclosure agreements… Continue reading About the “steamy action” in 50-Shades-the-film

What’s bad about “the worst” six slaps?

It took me a moment to register that I was smiling as I read chapter 26 of Fifty Shades of Grey. Yes, you read correctly, I was smiling. Christian and Ana were engaged in a playful game of cat and mouse around the kitchen – he with his dastardly boasting, she with her undaunted wiliness  – and it was fun. Until suddenly it wasn’t a game.

The ending of Fifty Shades of Grey (both film and book) is undeniably one of the most irritating things that I’ve had to get my head round. Ana asks Christian to show her “the worst” in the film or “as bad as it can get” in the book. In the film he asks her if she’s sure, in the book he asks if she’s ready. She says yes. He says he’ll hit her six times. He then hits her six times. He then stops. Does this mean she actually was consenting to the whole relationship and he’s not actually abusive? Deep breath. Content note: I talk about abusive and violent behaviour in this post and the use of discipline in a BDSM context.  Continue reading What’s bad about “the worst” six slaps?

7 essential facts about consent

This piece of writing is a fantastic one-stop-shop about what consent really looks like. The BDSM-er who wrote it intended it more as a vent of frustration than an educational piece, which is why I have ever-so-slightly edited some of the original language. Reproduced with kind permission of tumblr’s HotDogPhoto.


During the last several months, my local community and the scene at large has had a number of issues regarding consent violation, assault, and generally predatory behavior. In the wake of these instances, I’ve seen a lot of discussions of consent and in the course of those discussions I’ve seen a lot of comments that have chilled my blood. People saying things like, “Well, I subscribe to a blanket theory of consent,” or “The older generation of kinksters doesn’t think about consent that way.” The purpose of these statements is often to make it appear that the issue of consent is that of a subjective communal construct that my peers and I are changing after the fact.

Here’s the thing: It’s not. “Consent” as a concept, has been widely employed in medical ethics (and extended to ethics more broadly) through the last 60 years. So, unless you got into the scene before Nuremberg, the word “consent” has entailed much of the same conceptual baggage the whole time. I want to take some time (as someone with years of graduate training in the history and anthropology of medicine, and medical ethics) to clarify some of the facts. Continue reading 7 essential facts about consent

A message to Muslim teens on 50 Shades

As I consider myself to be a person of faith, I’m often interested in how other people apply their beliefs to sex. I recently read a post by a Muslim writer and mother who says:

I cannot discuss all the points in the book thoroughly in just one article. However, to highlight some major issues, I want to tell my dear teenage daughters…

My only caveat on this article is that the author criticises a particular practice that labels itself “Christian” in the Christianity sense. Her criticism of the practice is justifiable in my view, though it seems strange to me that her single reference to a religion other than her own picks this out – particularly when a great many Christians, including me, would describe the practice as anything but Christian. [Edit: you can read her response to this below]

That said, what she makes a number of excellent and concise points. You can read them here: What Muslim teens need to know

Did you find this post by clicking on a pingback on the MuslimMatters site? You might be interested in this review of the film of 50 Shades of Grey from a Christian(ity) angle.

Why do people say 50 Shades is (or isn’t) abusive?

I’m getting various search hits with people asking why 50 Shades is abusive, so I thought I would try and summarise the main points in one place. Please bear in mind these points come from the books not the film. If you want a view on the film, I recommend Jenny Trout’s review.

There’s a lot more that can be said on these points and I’ve probably not covered everything that’s worth covering, but I figured I’d keep it to a list of 10 to make it more readable. Here goes: Continue reading Why do people say 50 Shades is (or isn’t) abusive?

In a frenzied search for your Mr Grey? Read this. Now.

OK, so… this isn’t a post directly about 50 Shades but I’m putting it here, because when I think of women getting all excited about the idea of finding their personal dominant Christian Grey, I think of this story.

As the author opens:

Sub frenzy: (definition) A state of being in which a sub, usually but not always one new to the lifestyle, gets so darn excited about the concept of submitting they attempt to submit to the nearest door knob and/or find themselves in potentially dangerous situations because their brain is so awash with endorphins they are honestly not thinking clearly.

I don’t have a problem with people being curious about their submissive sides and having a look for a dominant partner. But I do have a problem with people doing this with their brains switched off. This is a story from a woman in the BDSM community that shows why. Content note: This post contains strong language and description of an actual rape.  Continue reading In a frenzied search for your Mr Grey? Read this. Now.

A message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know

This is essential reading for the would-be Ana’s out there who are curious about BDSM (and for anyone looking to be more informed about BDSM in general). As you’ll see from the sign off at the end, it’s from someone at the total-power-exchange end of the BDSM lifestyle. Content note:  Contains a couple of a brief references to things sadists might do. Continue reading A message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know

Jenny Trout: On defending BDSM with 50 Shades

You don’t need to go very far to find people arguing that the relationship dynamic in 50 Shades is abusive… and when you find them you’re likely to find someone else saying “It’s not abuse, it’s BDSM.” This essay by Jenny Trout gives her reasons on why she believes 50 Shades is harmful to the image of BDSM and why she doesn’t want people to use 50 Shades to defend her personal choices. Dear 50 Shades fan: BDSM doesn’t need or want your defenseContent note: this has colourful language and some explicit content. Heed the content note she puts at the top of the essay.

Did you find this by clicking on a ping back from Jenny’s blog? You might be interested in:

Laci Green on 50 Shades

Laci Green is a self-described sex education activist. She’s pro-BDSM and pro-erotica, but in this short YouTube video she gives her reasons why she finds the books of 50 Shades problematic in their portrayal of relationships and BDSM. Continue reading Laci Green on 50 Shades