Lines in the sand (or: On consent and boundaries)

I’m privileged to be in a society that equips me to be able to handle the complications of my sexual physicality. Part of that is through the medical and sanitary provisions we have and part of that is through education. I’m not complaining. My goodness, knowing what does or does not prevent contracting sexually transmitted diseases (and what does or does not treat them) is something I am very, very grateful for.

But that’s only half of the picture. There’s also the emotional side – and when it comes to this, I fear we’re not nearly so clued up on how to avoid the pitfalls and heal hurts. Yet we need both.

Honestly, what good does it do you if you go for a bungee jump and take care to ensure the cord is tied to your feet, but not pay any attention to what the other end is tied to?

The posts listed on this page are about consent and boundaries, and unsurprisingly this sometimes spills over into what makes good relationships generally.

If you’re looking for something and you can’t find it, please feel free to contact me.

About consent


#ThatsHarassment: David Schwimmer makes six short videos showing sexual consent violations (Apr 2017)

Sex and consent: everything I didn’t know when I married (Jan 2017)

I dated Christian Grey… and I don’t care to see him again (Feb 2017) (50 Shades related)

What’s bad about “the worst” six slaps? (50 Shades related)

How 50 Shades reflects real like abuse in the BDSM scene: part 1, part 2 and part 3

YesMeansYes: What coercive people look for in a “No”

Easier reads

Seven essential facts about consent

“All consensual?” Jamie, can you REALLY say that?  (50 Shades related)

About abuse, stalking, and other bad stuff in Fifty Shades


50 Shades Is Domestic Abuse: The myth that love cures abuse  (50 Shades related)

Jenny Trout: An open letter to 50 Shades of Grey fans and ardent defenders  (50 Shades related)

Jenny Trout: 50 Shades and abusive relationships  (50 Shades related)

Easier reads

Why do people say 50 Shades is (or isn’t) abusive?   (50 Shades related)

Reflections from standing outside the Fifty Shades Darker premiere (Feb 2017)

Personal stories

In a frenzied search for your Mr Grey? Read this. Now.

Specifically about BDSM

Why do I write about BDSM?

Telling the difference between kink and abuse

A message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know

Jenny Trout: On defending BDSM with 50 Shades (50 Shades related)