Life outside Eden (or: On sexuality and gender)

There’s a story in the Bible about two people called Adam and Eve. It’s right near the beginning in the book of Genesis, though there’s some debate about whether or not the story should be taken as fact. The story goes that God created them male and female human beings, and they lived in this perfect garden called Eden and had absolutely zero body issues. Then they ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil when they knew they weren’t supposed to and as a result bad stuff happened and they weren’t allowed to live in the garden any more. But they lived long enough to have kids, who had more kids, and so on and so on, etc. Which is where we come in.

We don’t live inside Eden. This means that some of the things that were simple for Adam and Eve, may not be simple for us. The meaning of gender itself becomes complicated, let alone gender-oriented sexual attraction, or the layers of cultural habits and expectations about the rights and roles of people belonging to each gender. Not only that, but our sexual expression can be muddled by our history, our body-confidence, and our choice (or lack of choice) over who we are and who we believe we were born to be.

But underneath all of these complications, we are human beings and it’s not good for us to be alone. That means we need to figure out where we belong within the collective identities around us and how our own distinctive individual identities relate to that.

The links below are mainly about gender, sexuality and sexual expression. If you ask me, these are some of most personal and important aspects or our physicality and identity and that matters because we are physical as well as spiritual beings. (Most of my Fifty Shades stuff and complaints about bad relationships and non-consent are to be found in ‘On consent and boundaries‘)


About sexual relationships

Sex and consent: everything I didn’t know when I married (Feb 2017)

The key to lifelong sex? Get the right advice

An open letter to the evangelical Christian couple considering sex therapy

On the receiving end of sex – why it’s not just about giving

Masturbation: Can you separate lust from pleasure?

About BDSM

Why do I write about BDSM?

Jenny Trout: On defending BDSM with 50 Shades (50 Shades related)

Telling the difference between kink and abuse

A message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know

About Fifty Shades of Grey

February 2015: 15 Reasons NOT to watch 50 Shades

About what Christianity and Christians say on these topics

My choice in the wake of Orlando and Brexit